What Ready Player One Really MeansBy Bob WhitehouseAugust 3, 2018(This column requires a soundtrack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXvuUp-KY5g)
The world has been enamored this weekend by Stephen Spielberg’s most recent film, Ready Player One. We all know by now what it’s about. But do we all know what it really means? Do we all understand the social commentary this film attempts to make? Do we all understand Spielberg’s purpose for this film? Clearly the answer is no, but lucky for you I am the smartest man alive and I’ll break it down for you. Guess what,,, spoilers.
First of all, Spielberg wants us to know that the media landscape of today is terrible and the future of America is a desolate wasteland caused by millennials and those after who are more interested in masking their insecurities through video games than becoming well adjusted adults. Through the use of references and Easter eggs, Spielberg is subtly insinuating that the films of the past such as Saturday Night Fever, Back to the Future, and Raiders of the Lost Ark are more influential and culturally relevant than the films who have come out more recently. Pair this with Spielberg’s recent comments about streaming services not deserving to compete for Oscars, and clearly he is attempting to say that the peak of American culture is far in our rear-view mirror as a society.
Second, we are to take away the message that gender is fluid. We see this in the way that Wade assumes Artemis is a hot lady (we say lady in this column because saying girl is a micro aggression, please respect). Spielberg calls on us as a society not to assume gender, as it is fluid. We can see this again when Aech preaches to Wade about how Artemis could be a fat man in Detroit and not a hot lady. Following this sermon, we learn that Aech is in fact a lady (again folks, respect). Incredible! How fortuitous that we can learn this lesson together!
The final message that Spielberg is sending us, and this is tough to swallow so take a seat, is that Mark Rylance is here to stay. What we all know, whether consciously or subconsciously, is that Spielberg will not let this man’s career die. Was Mark Rylance the best choice for the role of James Halliday? Ha no, of course not. If you said yes to that question, please stop the soundtrack and get out. The perfect choice was clearly Dana Carvey and anyone who disagrees is a squid. The role of Garth Algar was merely Carvey’s audition for this role but in his arrogance and perseverance to make Mark Rylance happen, Spielberg gave the role to the wrong man. If I asked you who won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 2014, who would you have said? Tom Hardy? Christian Bale? No, no, no those are both wrong. The answer is someone that would surprise you. You say “surely you mean Sylvester Stallone in Creed”. Sorry friend, you were wrong again. The correct answer is Mark Rylance. Using the term “correct” depreciates the meaning of the phrase, but I digress. Other than Bridge of Spies and Ready Player One Spielberg forces this dry, talentless hack on the audience in the film BFG. While Spielberg seems to love him, BFG in this instance stand for Be Freaking Gone because I want nothing to do with Rylance. This film, Ready Player One, lest we forget is Spielberg’s love letter (not in a gay way, or maybe a gay way, sexuality is fluid) to Mark Rylance at the expense of the audiences that once revered the director as an innovator and artistic mastermind.
Overall, Ready Player One is a delightful romp in a magical world combining the future of our media landscape with the nostalgic tastes of our generation. The cinematography was fantastic despite the fact that I think all of it was CGI. Everyone but the human trash pile Mark Rylance was great in the film. Personally I would like to congratulate my celebrity crush Olivia Cooke (I watched Bates Motel so this is not a bandwagon move) on an incredible performance that stood out as the best of the film. Now speaking directly to Olivia Cooke, *camera closes in on my face as lights dim for effect* would you like to go on a date to Rainforest Café with me? It doesn’t have to be a Rainforest Café, I just appreciate the magic that the ambiance brings. Either way, sup? Let’s go out sometime. Thank you for your service.

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