REVIEW: Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer VacationBy Bri ManzanoJuly 12, 2018I’ve been very vocal with my opinions on modern children’s entertainment. They’re not good. In fact, the only thing I have a lower opinion of is the Transformers franchise.

The problem in both is the same: laziness, and underestimating the audience. Kids only care if there’s slapstick and fart jokes, right? Oh, and a cute sidekick than has his own running gag. That’s all kids want. We can throw our writer (because Lord knows there can’t be more than one of them) in a room with some names and bodily functions in a hat and some Mad Libs and churn out the script to a kids’ movie in an hour.

Ugh. It has been a long time since a movie has actually made my toes curl. This - thing - does not deserve to be judged on the same playing field as The Incredibles, or The Iron Giant, or Coraline. Please, if I have to sit through one more of these… I may have to reconsider my career choices.

Do I need to summarize this movie? They go on a cruise. He falls in love with the captain. She’s a Van Helsing. I know people are praising it for its message of overcoming differences and prejudices - and I am all for that, when the movie is good. Agh, the cringe was too strong. And that hurts me to say - physically hurts me, because with a cast like Jim Gaffigan, Chris Parnell, Andy Samberg, and Kathryn Hahn, this movie should have been hilarious.

There is no reason that anyone should see this movie. “But this movie’s not for you! It’s for kids!” Read again: there is. No reason. That ANYONE. Should see. This movie. I don’t say that lightly. A movie is innocent until proven guilty as far as I’m concerned. But this… is where I draw the line. No one should be seeing this movie - not adults, not children, no one.

Rating: 1.5/10

Favorite scene: Chris Parnell, honestly.
Least favorite scene: pretty much everything else.

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