REVIEW: The SnowmanBy Quinn OxleyOctober 22, 2017The Snowman: the Blackhat of 2017. You thought you’d seen the worst of it with The Emoji Movie, huh? Well, guess again.

All you really need to know is that Michael Fassbender - muscle-bound, strong-jawed action hero Michael Fassbender - plays a character whose literal name is Harry Hole. And it’s not like the film tries to sidestep this; characters call him that several times throughout the film and expect you to still take them seriously. (Apparently, his name is pronounced “ho-leh” in the original novel, but despite the major presence of Norwegian-sounding names, “Harry Hole” is the one they decide to Americanize.)

Obviously Fassbender’s name is not my only issue with The Snowman. It’s poorly paced. It’s confusing. It’s bloated. It’s unconventional in the worst of ways and formulaic in the worst of ways. Probably the most egregious of all: it’s boring.

I could go into more detail, but I can sum up my response to The Snowman in one sentence: there are two minutes of opening credits, but the main character’s name is Harry Hole.

One thing I will say in the film’s favor is that Rebecca Ferguson acts miles ahead of her character’s actual quality. Both of the film’s leads deserve so much better.

Rating: 2.5/10

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