TOP TEN: Worst Animated Movies of the Last DecadeBy Quinn OxleyJuly 26, 2017I believe that every movie stands a chance. Even though trailers for Valerian made me skeptical, I gave it a fair chance, and it dropped the ball - but it dropped the ball on its own merit. I didn’t judge it before I went in. I don’t ever want it to be said that I’ve jumped the gun and decided ahead of time that a movie is going to be good or bad.

That being said, I’d like to present two completely unrelated statements: The Emoji Movie comes out this weekend. Here is a list of the top ten worst mainstream animated movies of the last ten years.

The barrell is almost bottomless when it comes to animated movies. You see, animated movies are “kids’ movies,” and kids don’t care about the quality of animation or the coherence of story. And so we get movies like Foodfight! and Norm of the North. But I’m talking about widely released animated features that capture the attention of the nation, if only for a few moments, only to be shunned by their lack of substance.

10. Strange Magic. Perhaps one of the most insulting things an animated film can do is reach out to other media - quality media - and sulley it by trying to leech off some of whatever made the thing good. There’s a right way to create a fantasy world from scratch and populate it with retro hit music (see also: Labyrinth) and there’s a wrong way to do it. You can guess which way Strange Magic chose to go.

9. Cars 2. Not many were much impressed by Pixar’s 2006 attempt at a sentient cars movie. It has its audience, but when compared to Pixar’s larger body of work, it tends to fall short. However, it’s miles ahead (excuse the pun) of the smoldering trash fire that came after it. We can only take so much of Larry the Cable Guy. Way to take the heart out of an already limping franchise.

8. Kung Fu Panda 3. I know this one is actually pretty well-received, but hear me out: it’s basically the Tigger Movie, but you care less about the characters. Also, the story is pretty inane. If you remove death from the equation as an unknown, you’d better have an epic story to back that up.

7. The Lorax. Probably one of the most forthright examples of complete corporate hypocrisy - which would be upsetting in and of itself even if the movie had been good. Universal used this business-wary and environmentally conscious tale to sell a ton of products, which completely contradicted the message of the original work. Plus, it took a classic and kind of murdered it.

6. Mars Needs Moms. Boring and forgettable, like this entry on the list.

5. Minions. Do I need to explain why this movie has its place on the list? Minions happened when a mildly obnoxious idea from the original Despicable Me spiralled out of control into an unstoppable meme. Let me say that again: Minions is the result of the unchecked growth of unhealthy cells. Oh, no, wait, that’s cancer. Hm. To-may-to, to-mah-to.

4. All direct-to-DVD Disney sequels. Again, one of the most offensive things an awful animated movie can do is crap on the legacy of another, better work. And direct-to-DVD Disney sequels are in the business of doing just that. Don’t get me wrong - I love them. They’re a staple of my childhood. But none of them can capture the magic of the original, and sometimes they reach back and retroactively harm the quality of the original by telling us what happened post-“Happy ever after.”

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1. JOB. Yes, The Nut Job is the last three entries on this list. It is not only the worst animated feature in the last ten years, but I believe it stands in defiance of all that is good and holy as the worst animated feature of all time. Any animated feature whose Wikipedia page reads, “During the credits, the animals and humans dance with an animated Psy as he performs Gangnam Style,” is a heinous, deeply-grooved scar on the face of the same art that produced Toy Story and How to Train Your Dragon. Will Arnett has since made an animated comeback as the caped crusader in Lego form, but he’s still earning back my trust from this explosive bowel movement of a movie.

Perhaps this list served not to segue into a deplorable Emoji Movie, but rather to provide some perspective. Even if The Emoji Movie is awful, it will never be The Nut Job.

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